Treating infertility, fetishes & sexuality

Natalie Portman as Nina Sayers in Black Swan

Treating special cases of Infertility: I’ve been working as a resource for a local practice of specialists that treat infertile couples. I was asked to participate some months ago after one of the partners, an endocrinologist, and I both attended a party and knowing my interest in dive-sex he told me that he and his wife were taking lessons from a mutual friend. Once on that subject one thing led to another and he shared that he and his wife had been trying to conceive for 18 months and nothing was working so they were about to start fertility treatments in preparation for harvesting her eggs for a try at IVF.

Both had been tested extensively and nothing appeared to be wrong with her tubes, her eggs are of good quality and her cycles are regular at 30 days and her hormones are well balanced – she is 26 and seven years younger than her husband. His sperm is plentiful well formed and highly motile so there is no apparent reason for their not conceiving. He said his wife was very upset about not being able to become pregnant and I jokingly asked why he didn’t under thrust his wife’s gas-guard during an underwater encounter and fill it with semen. I said that since they had decided to try IVF that the pressure was off her for a while until she started on the fertility drugs so she wouldn’t be so stressed out worrying about if she would conceive from every act of intercourse and if he filled the dome of her diaphragm with sperm during her fertile days and she left it in place for at least eight hours.. well it wouldn’t cost anything to try and who knows what might happen.

He asked how he would go about under thrusting and told me she wore a 70 mm All-Flex when I asked what maker’s diaphragm she was fitted with. An All-Flex is ideal because it is the easiest type for a man to under thrust. I told him he should penetrate her doggie style with her bending over with her hands on her knees or with her kneeling on her hands and knees and that he should get her as aroused as possible so that with the lengthening (tenting) of her vagina along with gravity pulling her uterus deeper into her the anterior rim of her All-Flex should be far enough out of her pubic notch that, if he thrust into the anterior wall of her vagina, he should be able to easily under thrust the rim. And because he is uncut another good thing about taking her from behind during an under thrust encounter is that if he angles his shaft correctly the top of his glans pushes against the rim not the more sensitive underside so his frenulum is protected, which otherwise can be injured by hitting the rim.

When I finished giving him instructions he looked unsure of himself, blushed and wouldn’t look me in the eye. Then he looked up and asked if I would show him how the All-Flex folded. I had known him for a while and had flirted shamelessly with him at cervical barrier meeting we both attended so I knew he usually didn’t have a roving eye and was deeply in love with his wife. Even so I thought he was going ask to let him try under thrusting with me and I was ready to say yes. So I was caught off guard when he only wanted to see how the device folded. I think I was able to hide my dismay in not being able to add him to my list of conquests while I composed myself. I had a Milex Arcing spring diaphragm in my tote that I had as a backup so I got that out to use as an example. It’s not the quite the same as an All-Flex since the Milex will only fold in two places while the All-Flex will fold when compressed anywhere on the rim, which is what makes it so easy to under thrust. There are some differences between his wife’s and my pelvic anatomies. According to him she has strong vaginal muscle tone and wears a 70 mm diaphragm while I have extremely strong muscle tone and wear an 80 mm diaphragm but I showed him how it folded and he seemed satisfied, though I thought he looked at me with a particularly smoldering gaze just before we said good bye.

I didn’t hear from him again for about three months when he called to tell me his wife was eight weeks pregnant after he under thrust her gas guard during one of their dive sex encounters in the dive well of their all-weather pool. I was so pleased for them! Since then he has recommended to several infertile rubber fetish couples who enjoy wearing and thrusting into vaginal rubber that they try under thrusting to hot load the wife’s diaphragm and it has worked for at least one of them. So perhaps that’s an inexpensive and fun way to treat some cases of infertility.

Fetishes and sexuality – the discussion continues: This is the second part of a discussion between an anonymous reader (J) and me about our fetishes and sexuality. His comments have been edited to an extent.

J: “Thanks for reading and responding to my long rants! I wouldn't mind if you edited out some of my typos when you quote from them.”

If I publish this in printed form, I’m going to charge you for editing services! LOL! You are the first man who has been willing to share his thoughts in depth with me about sexuality and fetishes in general and his specifically which is why I find our discussion so fascinating.

J: “Could you go into detail about not so much as learning a technique used in fetish.. and there are many of them from getting into rubber, whipping and so forth but how one actually fetishes or turns activities which in themselves are not sexual to be experienced AS sexual activities? I've always presumed that it was a sort of positive (mostly) reinforcement whether from the teacher or self the inductee into the fetish. At least that's how it seems to be framed.”

In my case it was pointe shoes first. Every girl taking ballet longs to wear pointes and it seemed forever until I got mine when I was 12. Of course I had been wearing other student’s pointes – I had several pairs of friend’s dead pointes that fit me – for more than a year before I officially got my first pair of Capezios. The first time I wore pointe shoes I felt different, with a tingling in my pelvis that I (then) did not recognize as sexual arousal and standing and walking around en pointe made the feeling more intense. It wasn’t until 2 years later when I reached menarche at 14 that I connected the feeling I had when wearing pointe shoes with sexual arousal. My Psychiatrist says my sexual attraction to tight shoes and ballet-boots and standing on my toes with my feet tied into my shoes by satin ribbons or locked into ballet-boots with shaft locks is connected to my being rejected by my mother’s husband (not my biological father) after she died when I was 7 y/o and he sent me away to ballet school.

I am also something of a masochist enjoying the pain of being dropped on to the platforms of my pointes when a lover’s thrusts lift me off the floor while being taken en pointe and when a man is large enough to thrust into my cervix. I do have limits, but they are rarely approached and, so far, never exceeded. Over time I’ve found I can get a spike in my libido from wearing tight latex body suits. Tight rubber undies or skirts don’t do anything for me (well, the undies contribute to yeast infections), but a well fitting latex catsuit shows off my body while providing the illusion of ‘protection’. Protection from what I’ve never been able to rationally determine because a .2 mm or even a .4 mm latex skin is easily punctured or torn. So I’ve concluded that showing off my sleek ballet body encased in glistening rubber membrane to make me appear more alluring, and ‘unattainable’ has no useful purpose other than to make me feel more confident and to attract and mindfuck potential lovers.

With my AST students and my circle of friends I try to interest them in trying different fetishes. I’ve found a hard sell is counterproductive. Some don’t care for the experience, but a few find it pleasurable and those are the ones to whom I give positive reinforcement to bring them further into whatever fetish experience they seem to enjoy. It is merely an extension of their sexual identity.

J: “You hear the word "training" used. Training is used typically in the Dom/Sub context... and it makes kind of sense. Submissive is trained to do whatever... presumably to please the dominant.... such as trained to wear heels or ballet boots. There is less implication and emphasis that the sub actually finds the training erotic as much as the idea of pleasing the dominant by acquiring the skill. In many cases it's almost as if the fetish they are trained in is "distasteful" on some level and it is a selfless task to suffer the training.”

I don’t consider myself deeply into the D/S S&M scene. Although I do consider myself a Domme I can switch if I find the right man or when I’m teaching a husband to under thrust his wife’s diaphragm and ejaculate in the dome. [I wear an Oves cap under the diaphragm so there is no danger of him getting me preggers as much as he might like to] Under thrusting a partner’s diaphragm is a reproductive technique for couples having problems conceiving and curiously it seems to work more often for some supposedly infertile couples than statistics can explain; which is why I haven’t mentioned it before. When I’m teaching either Escort trainees or AST students at St Lucy’s I train the individual trainee/student in the use of, for example: pointe shoes for sex doggie style en pointe, or the use of Ben Wa balls for strengthening the muscles of the vaginal barrel, or Ben Wa balls for learning to manipulate the vaginal muscles to be able to ripple grip a man. All my training is toward pleasuring the wearer or making her more attractive to men.

J: “I would have thought, or actually do think, that what is more the operative psychological thing going on is a positive reinforcement which becomes and acquired taste, preference sexual trigger.”

Exactly the point I was making above! And I do wear things I know a particular man likes when I’m to be with him and switch off with his different faves, because even I would get tired of steak all the time and I’m a carnivore of mythic appetite.

J: “Novelty is definitely working inside us driving our libidos. It's probably why monogamy and sex don't seem to work in most cases. Once the novelty of an experience is gone attention and interest wanes. This is very much how out nervous system works. Essentially we respond to changes and ignore steady states responses. The brain would be overwhelmed otherwise.”

As returning readers know I’m not monogamous. Fortunately for me there is no lack of novelty in my available partners. In addition to my ‘normal’ stable of stallions within my circle of friends I have the pool of male talent from the escort trainees who I teach from which to choose. The turnover in male Escort trainees is continuous and each man brings his unique perspective and interpretations to the sexual talents he brings to the job. If I was looking for a lifetime mate, someone to settle down with or if I had baby fever and wanted a man to impregnate me I’m sure my viewpoint would be very different. But for now I’m blessed with a very strong libido and a large pool of talent from which to slake my appetite for any sort of sex I want.

J: “My own observations are that fetish (sex) is much less intimate and personal than coital or even vanilla sex. There is all sorts of "dress up" identity and role play which many represent as being some sort of deep expression of "who they are" and pass this off for intimacy. This is really not the case. How can one be intimate with an "illusion" or a role... or with someone who is hidden inside of some outfit where often their features are concealed? A sexual response or orgasm is associated with intimate activities as we usually choose carefully who to receive from or reward. But once it becomes "depersonalized" and commoditized it loses intimacy and is more like sport or a match where the players use each other receive some sort of reward. Once people separate sex from intimacy it really is closer to masturbation or selfish gratification”

I think (for fetish sex) this is probably true for most people as we have agreed in earlier correspondence. It is difficult for a client to hide his or her identity under an encasement suit and hood, though not impossible by using cars with their license plates hidden or changed and paying in cash. I think emotional intimacy is a very small part of fetish sex – except when a person is first exposed to the concept. In my experience dress-up fetishes are mainly concerned with sexual gratification for the one(s) wearing the clothing.

J: “I am not saying some people are not better at sex, have longer and deeper orgasms than others - they do. I am saying that fetish is not especially better than non fetish sex... and the novelty simply drives the cost way up... and once down that road we are somewhat stuck as we can't turn back. Here is where the intellectual aspect of kink kicks in. That is where we embrace fetish for all sorts of reasons unrelated to a sexual response”

To be into fetishes in a big way can be ruinously expensive, which is why so few are. For me there is an aspect of ‘protection’ however ludicrous that may be (if considered rationally) when entirely sheathed in a .2 mm latex membrane or ‘danger’ - from a number of sources - during dive-sex. My Psychiatrist says that taking risks is an effort to prove myself to my father (who died in 1991) but since none of my fetishes are required for me to reach orgasm they are harmless, but who knows long term? Wearing certain favorite things does make me feel more confident and more desirable; pointes by displaying my feet and legs to advantage while standing en pointe and an encasement suit molded to my body making me ‘unattainable’ because I’m ‘protected’ while sheathed in a latex membrane that can be torn by a sharp fingernail. Go figure! Who is mind fucking who? Is that rational? Not really, but great fun!

Readers who were with me when I was posting on Yahoo 360 may recall that my father blamed me for my mother’s death since she was driving me home from ballet class when we were hit broadside by a drunk driver. My father was inconsolable and, saying that I reminded him too much of my mom, he sent me into exile at boarding school. He eventually drank himself to death. I tried to convince him it wasn’t my fault and in my late teens even tried to get him to sleep with me believing (for a while) I could take my mothers place in his life, but he shunned me. I just wanted to please him by giving him the only gift I had to give, amazing recreational sex! I didn’t want to have his baby! What’s so wrong with that? So I have my own set of demons pursuing me, which is why I’ve been in analysis with a really great Psychiatrist for years. He keeps me stable and focused, so I can devote my time and skills primarily to ballet and sex.