J on: S/M, legs, ballet & fasteners

Rubber-chick with her service zip teasingly open

About the photo: I do the same thing when trolling Naughty’s for a hookup when I need the novelty of a new man. If I’m feeling very assertive I will take another woman’s man. I’ve made some enemies doing that, but it’s so much fun to have that power over a man and use it! If I find a man I want I open my service zip about half way and appear at his table and start a conversation. Then I’ll put a pointe in his lap and turn out my hips which spread the opening giving him a whiff of my estrogenic sweat and vaginal discharge mixed with the strong scent of body warmed latex. I’m not subtle and the woman he’s with senses what’s going on the minute I appear at their table. I try to limit myself to men I’ve see pick up women in the Meat Market bar so I’m not hitting on a married couple from Peoria.

Our fetishes & sexuality dialog continues as ‘J’ shares more of his thoughts and experiences:

Self centeredness and sex: J “Most people don't understand or accept the notion that sex is a self centered activity. By its very nature it involves mechanical stimulation… such as penis in vagina... or lips kissing or sucking or hand fondling and caressing. All these mechanical inputs come from a partner… and some of them can be provided by ourselves - masturbation or auto eroticism and some can be provided by mechanical devices... fucking machines or bondage gear. So even though sex is about OUR pleasure is pretty much involves a willing, skilled partner to provide us with the stims we need for what ever reason we are so wired to find those stimuli erotic. There ARE variations, but most people share similar mechanical trigger because that is how our sensory nervous system works. We all recognize that partners are part of "normal" sexual interactions. And this means that we typically play a dual role in a sexual encounter. We received stimuli from our partner. And we provide stimuli to our partner. However there are some caveats here and they are as follows. 1) In pay for sex; the person who pays gets to typically define what goes on... ie the encounter is designed to get them off in the manner that they want and 2) The provider of that pleasure sexual interests do not matter. It is a one way transaction. She or he being paid for their services MAY find what they are doing erotic and pleasurable and that would be fine, but it is not required. They may be required to ACT as if they are "getting off" as part of the illusion for the paying "client". And most I suppose do. It goes with the territory. Fetish sex often separates the notion of mutuality into one which is focused on the erotic needs of one of the partners. The other, by consent has the role of "effectuator" of the pleasure of the other partner. This is often defined as D/S and even some maintain that the sub's pleasure is simply in pleasing the Dom. I suspect this is rubbish, but it sounds good. Can our own orgasm be related solely to the orgasm of another person? So in fetish sex... it's often about one person receiving the stim and the other supplying it. S&M is often framed as mutual pleasure... the masochist enjoys the pain... the sadists gets off on the whipping.”

I can certainly relate to this. Ballet dancers are often self-centered and I’m that way in spades. I want to be perfect (but not quite to the extent that I become delusional like Nina Sayers, at least not yet) in my technique and presentation and that desire to be perfect has carried over into obtaining sexual pleasure as I have become expert in knowing my body and pushing my limits.

Sadism & Masochism: J “D/s and S&M activities make more sense on a conceptual level than they do on a neuro-physiological level. It's pretty hard to see how whipping would cause the whipper to get off? I suppose it's possible and they could whip a tree and have an orgasm in that case. But if a sadist IS or can "get off" from their sadistic activities, it clearly is from a psychological conception in their mind. The idea of power, or expression of their power, and or seeing someone suffering at their hand and that person being unable to do anything about it is what gets sadists off. The odd thing about sexual sadists is that they claim that the person must consent to their abuse… ie like it. Absent consent it's not sexual sadism, but pathological sadism. The masochist, by giving consent is sanctioning a sadist to unleash their sadism. Good thing there are masochists out there to provide this thin veil of cover for what is a psychopathic in no uncertain terms. Justification for cruelty is virtually impossible even when the victim of the cruelty demands it. This sort of "contract" for sexual or fetish contact underscores the "selfish" nature of kinky encounters. They truly have turned sex into something more akin to a sport. Sports have rules, are usually competition between two players (or more), have special gear and involve the body often in direct physical contact. People advance in the skill by training, experience and practice and for the most part sports involve some sort of transaction or give and take between the opponents... who are each playing to "win" the match. So many of the things we do are woven together by our unconscious mind. And this explains, to me at least, why so few people understand what they do, even when they show skill in doing it. Which brings me to training and things such as ballet and diving... and its possible connection to fetish.”

I agree that the power of the sadist is in the sensory thrill of causing someone to suffer at his or her hand, but in most cases my S/M partners and I have safe words so the encounter can be stopped if it passes some defined limit. I love rough pointe sex, where I’m penetrated from behind by a man of the correct height and with the correct penis size so while I’m balanced en pointe and bent over holding onto the barre when he thrusts into me he can not only ram my cervix – even when I’m fully aroused – but lifts my feet off the floor when I’m most deeply penetrated! That way I get the pain of my toes being compressed in the blocks of my pointes when I’m dropped on the floor and having my cervix rammed. If it’s a really great encounter my partner will not only give me a G-spot orgasm but I’ll be able to work through the pain of having my cervix rammed to reach a rarer cervical orgasm. And at least with my sadistic partners, my screams, tears and occasionally blood do seem to be enough for them to be sexually exhausted after rough pointe sex. Possibly because they are sore from ramming me and partly from the strength of my contractions with which I gripped them during orgasm, which some partners have told me they find painful.

M/F form, rules, ballet and fetishes: J “Obviously a key aspect of dance is the human form itself. And further it is the human form in motion and often partnering between the two sexes. This is clearly very much aligned with sexual activity - male w/ female partnering etc. Dance however, takes physical play a notch or two higher because it injects a few things: 1) Rules - These are the steps and positions and even partnering moves such as lifts. Sex contact is ad hoc and we do what pleases us and our partners. We don't follow "outside" rules. Again fetish play mimics the rule based nature of the engagement, though these rules are somewhat less formal and more individual, but they are always present in a fetish "engagement". Some D/s is extremely rules driven. Classical ballet is rule based to the extreme. 2) Body Conscious - Both fetish and dance are extremely body conscious. Ballet is perhaps the most demanding in the form of the body and this restricts it to those with the bodies which conform to the idealized form... such as the Balanchine ballerina. In fact the corps is almost intended to appear as completely identical bodies...almost depersonalized copies of each other moving in machine like synchronicity. On the other hand the soloists etc are using their movement to display the body in the most stunning poses, positions and motions with understanding of épaulement, and line and so forth… a sort of perfection of presentation of the human form.”

“Body conscious plus rules! Interaction at a distance - like fetish sex dancing is a kind of intimacy at a distance involving two people who work together and even require each other but do not actually "merge" as in penetrative sex of any kind. At best it alludes to such intimacy but obviously cannot "go there" without being pornographic. It's meant to be art. Roles and Costumes - Both fetish and ballet share the need to put the participants in costumes and play roles Diving has apparently become a fetish for some people, perhaps more a fantasy for most who claim the fetish. It shares with dance, sport and sex in general esoteric knowledge about the body and in particular how breathing and pressure affect and influence our mental and physical being. Sex, dance and ballet all involve breathing which is required for us to "perform" properly. If we can’t breathe properly the activity we are engaged in suffers or in the case of diving can be fatal. Changes in oxygen or introduction of gas (or other chemicals) into our blood stream and past the blood brain barrier into our brains DOES change our mental state. The sexual response does involve engorgement of blood into our erogenous zones and this kicks off the sexual response. Dive sex definitely plays with the role of breathing associated with sexual arousal states. And again, diving and dance involve special gear and costumes which are integral to any fetish. Dive gear definitely plays on the theme of protection because that is precisely its function.”

Dive-sex as a body shaper: A shape enhancement feature of dive-sex that usually goes unmentioned is that especial for women with less than prefect bodies the body is nearly weightless when supported by water so our soft tissue, breasts and buttocks and even poorly toned arms and legs, are presented to their best advantage, w/o sagging. And, while I’m on the subject of dive-sex I want to mention that it’s pool-pointes - which are molded silicone pointe shoes that are buoyancy neutral, but which can have weights screwed onto the platforms to provide vertical attitude stability on the bottom of the pool – that are often used during dive-sex for couples who are into ballet fetishes.

Ballet-boots: J “I need to cycle back to the now ubiquitous ballet boots and shoes in so many fetish closets and even mentioned in "dive sex" which combines the ballet, basic fetish and the diving fetish. Pointe is quite unique to ballet, hardly seen in modern dance. It is very much part of the rule based system of classical ballet dance vocabulary. Point extends the line of the leg, changes the posture unless one's muscles and tendons etc. have been really evolved from their normal structure. These body posture changes occur with all tall heels and it affects the attitude of the pelvis. This change in attitude of the pelvis is perceived and felt as a focus on the pelvis region which is the focus of sexual activity - coitus. Mastering pointe work is not only about a long beautiful line, but in the fetish mind about a more controlled and hence powerful pelvic region. Ballerinas, with their flexibility and strength are correctly perceived as masters of their bodies perfected in form and in control of them including their pelvic muscles. While a typical female with a "good shape" can delight the eye, a ballerina or dancer is perhaps understood to do that and have the body motion skill to take this delight into the physical, their physical interactions as in sex. Jill explains how ballet boots and pointe work can and does make a dancer or wearer of same not submissive and trapped horizontally on a bed or in some pose, but frees her to express a movement skill which is completely the reverse of submission it is expressive of mastering and control of her own body! It is a unique skill which gives those who posses it an elite position. And as such is understandably a coveted aspect in a female partner.”

Well said: I think the above analysis of the ballet-boot and its pleasures is spot on! I do wear custom made Ballet-Boots for the effect they have on some men, and often when I’m on duty at the casino for their shock value among the tourists and the uninitiated, but I’ve always thought of ballet-boots as a poor relation to the pointe shoe. Someone called BBs “a pointe shoe with a training-heel” I suppose for those people with weak feet and ankles a quality pair of pointe boots are safer and easier to stand and perhaps walk around a bit in to get the thrill of being en pointe and some of the pain of wearing pointes. So in that regard they are better for the pointe fetishist with no ballet training. And there is the bondage aspect for someone being locked into a pair for hours or days at a time, which can be excruciating.

Gepetto did have a small run of prototype pairs of rubber underwater bondage boots (UBBs) made, but serious accidents among knowledgeable testers during field trials of the UBB convinced him that they were too dangerous (for him to sell) even to experienced divers - someone called them ‘suicide boots’ - so they never got out of prototype. A Dom fetishist who is determined to have a Sub war something similar can use an inexpensive leather pair which will be ruined by immersing them in water, but can be just as effective as a killer. Other than the bondage aspect wearers are nearly weightless in water so regular pool-pointes work fine.

The female leg, its form and texture: J “Legs (female) as the root of fetish the female leg is linked to a vast number of fetishes which are often combined, mixed and blended and not well understood by people who are susceptible to them. The analogy might be to how we use language with its grammar rules... many can speak and write well… ie use language without any formal understanding of grammar which makes communication possible. The leg is the driving force behind the following fetishes: hose, stockings, hold ups and suspender belts, boots, shoes, ballet boots, hairlessness and perhaps a few others. At the bottom of this collection of fetishes is the notion that at the top of the female’s legs one finds her pelvis and vagina. In a sense the legs are like a pedestal upon which the prize of the vagina is found and "displayed". Like so many things which frame the main attraction, there is an obvious need to make the frame, or the pedestal, as appealing and attractive as possible. Certainly the reverse would be off putting and "disrespect" the prize. So the leg fetish begins with the smoothness and perfection of a shaved or hairless leg. Hair not only distracts and destroys the perfection of the form, but it doesn't feel as nice and sex for most is about "feeling nice". Very few people will find hairy legs and stubble appealing. Next is the form itself. Our form is defined by the bones, flesh and to a large part muscle structure. Firm toned flesh controls the form and so some visible muscle tone makes the leg more attractive, and the absence of muscle tone makes it less attractive. A general rule of visual aesthetics is that long and thin is more attractive than short and squat (another discussion). We see this in not only our preference for long legged women (and men), but long thin fingers, necks, arms and even long hair. Short is less attractive than long. We see this in the preferred bodies of ballerinas, in the basic steps and movements which attempt to show off long and thin such as 180 degree extensions... and the foot on pointe extending the leg 6 -8". A leg needs to have curves and form in its shape.”

Leg adornment: J “Shape is beauty in natural form and is seen as a pleasant and proportional collection of curves. This is similar to the rules of proportion in classical architecture though less rigorous. So with the underlying pedestal as focus and arrow to display the V - the ultimate prize we then go on to adorn the pedestal... we encase it in hose, we hold up the hose with straps and garters, we create hose which shapes and "perfects" the leg, or adds a color or pattern to the form to adorn it. We cover it completely in barriers of leather, or rubber to reveal its form but hide the actual flesh in a kind of tease which takes away one aspect of the naked leg causing obsession on that very aspect… soft smooth naked skin. And then there are the heels which reshape the leg... extend the line to use a ballet term... to tense the muscles, tilt the pelvis where the prize sits. The tall heel itself then becomes a fetish in itself. It is meant to raise the heel and making this as thin as possible brings attention to this height raising role of the heel by reducing it to a slender delicate column where almost all the forces of the leg are concentrated. The toe box of the shoe or boot likewise is fetishized. Usually it is to unnaturally extend the foot into (the appearance of) a fine point (as opposed to a blunt end). Shoe and boot forms themselves are works of art in shaping the containment of the foot into a stunning work of curves and structure. Being the foundation for the pedestal, the shoe, or boot bottom becomes an obsessive part of the leg. And this doesn't even consider that our feet with their toes are anthropologically similar to our hands and many people have extempore "sensitive" feet. Shoes and boots protect and contain these sensitive appendages. The tall boot shaft is particularly associated with fetishes... and seen in the idea of evolving a ballet pointe into a high heeled shoe (at the extreme limit of heel height) and then into a shoe and a boot and into an entire leg encasing boot. The most fetishistic boots are the tallest right up to the crotch where the prize sits.”

The fasteners role in fetishes: J “Encasement fetishes involve two aspects of encasement. The encasement material itself – leather and rubber, stretching, body clinging and molding materials and how they are made to fit and enclose. Rubber with its stretchiness requires no straps, zipper or hardware to hold it in place. These may be present to make getting into tight rubber possible. In fact getting any material to hug the body will require stretchiness or closures like zips and laces or straps. All of these closures then become part of the fetish. All these bindings drive what evolves from the underlying fixation on the leg into the over arching fetish of bondage. Bondage of course having two broad branches - the compression of encasement without restriction of motion and the restrictive bondage where the body can struggle but cannot move. All the hardware and bindings of fetish "gear" are themselves integral to and in many cases actual fetishes themselves. The act of strapping, lacing, latching and even locking a garment become analogous to the motions we do in a sexual encounter flesh to flesh. Both parties can find lacing or doing up straps, or zips erotic activities themselves, much the way getting dressed in fetish attire is itself considered an erotic and highly charged activity. This is understood as ..."I am getting into my sex gear." And this is very different than getting dressed to head out to a normal day where our clothing plays a very different role (though being a sex message is included in those roles especially for females).”

For the fetishist our bondage boutique, Fasteners, has an extensive selection of rope, and chain in varying materials and weight ranges as well as locks, handcuffs, leather, rubber and nylon straps as well as masks, rebreather bags, hoods, gags and sex toys of all descriptions. And they have a limited supply of mid-range enclosure suits and the shop assistants will take measurements for made-to-order high end rubber and leather fetishwear.

Compare & contrast: J “Leg derived fetishes like others exploit the idea of contrast. Contrast is the most fundamental means by which our sensory system works. Whatever sense we are referring to, it works by noting contrast or change from some "steady state". This could be the edge between two forms or colors... the difference in tone or intensity of sound or tactile pressure or taste and smell and so forth. We learn about and process the world by using "contrasts". Fetishes love contrasts. Dressing a feminine women in what appears to be hard "danger" clothing draws attention to her femininity in a sense. Over emphasis on laces, straps, locks and hardware closure draws attention to the vulnerability of that which is strapped, laced or locked. Even the ideal female fetish form is an exaggeration of the female form. She has a tiny waist, enormous stand up breasts, huge pouty puffy lips, enormous eyes and lashes and long pony tails evocative of horses and all the lore associated with tack and training, dressage, grooming and presentation. Therefore it is likely that a great many fetishes are related to legs. Legs are what make most dance dance... Legs are used to hold a male in some coital positions... Legs are the pedestals which carry and lead up to the pelvis and the prized vagina. And legs even terminate in the ass which is also a body part of enormous sexual attraction for multiple reasons. Even non fetishists have a "weakness" for female legs which are clearly understood as sexy and provocative. Short skirts play on this in a kind of homage to the leg and a tease that the vagina is barely protected from view. The combination of thigh boot and mini skirt is a kind of fetish double whammy... a tease and complete cover up. For some ballet boots or extreme heels are a bondage device and understood as making the wearer submissive. This is not always the case. As for silicone and underwater ballet boots and so forth... this is clearly an understandable fantasy, but I have seen no examples of them and have only read of same in Jill's World. I suppose if they don't exist yet, they will soon. I suppose the same applies to bladed heels and so forth... fantasy which someone might bother to create. Fetishes are applied mental constructs and it takes people who understand a fetish to express it in some fetish gear. Some do it with finesse and elegance and even nuance. Most however, are less conscious followers and adapt fetish as an elitist type of sex. Who wants to be like the masses? "

Quest for the Grail: I thought with the buildup of fetishes from a woman’s feet and shoes to her legs their shape and covering ending at the pelvis containing the vagina my intrepid fetish scribe touched, however tangentially, on the seat of a woman’s power, I am hoping he will share with us his thoughts on the fetishes surrounding the ultimate prize itself.