Devices and desires

Leaking nipples, a common side effect of lactation

The Photo: Leaking nipples that can be controlled by using a pad that presses down on the nipple to halt leakage. The kind that work well for me are clear Lily Padz that have adhesive backs that stay in place even while swimming. Before someone asks, no this is not a Pic of my breast, it’s too large to be mine.

The saga continues: Returning readers will recall in my post of September 21^st, entitled “An offer I couldn’t refuse” I wrote about going to a prospective client (Ron’s) home on a ‘job interview’. In person Ron is very charming and did not display his wild side which the tabloids are so fond of publicizing though when we got into the details he was quite the randy gentleman as we were one-on-one and there was a limited amount of alcohol since that can affect sexual performance. During my sit-down interview we talked about me. He already knew my background as a dancer, courtesan and pelvic skills teacher and we seemed to be of the same mind about sex, BDSM and the D/s subculture about which he was interested, but not as an active participant, yet.  

Contraceptive devices: He asked what I used for contraception and mentioned he preferred bareback sex and his dislike of condoms which seems almost universal in men, except perhaps for rubber fetishists. He believes birth control is “the woman’s responsibility” and I agree since it will be me who gets pregnant if a partner’s condom tears or comes off. However, for a man who isn’t sure of the effectiveness of his partner’s birth control a condom is a good idea – that could save him the cost of a paternity suit or an abortion - and of course for a new partner with an unknown sexual history it’s ‘no glove, no love’. But I digress…

He was amazed that I use cervical barriers for contraception when I told him about my preference for latex flat spring diaphragms and the silicone Oves cervical cap. And when I showed him the spare latex FS from my slit-kit it seemed to add a bit of spice for him seeing and fondling a device with which a woman can protect herself against his sperm. He became quite obviously aroused when later I showed him how I removed and inserted the one I was wearing.  So a cervical barrier device works wonderfully as foreplay for him. I pointed out that even if his girlfriend has a frameless, copper bead GyneFix IUD implanted (which she does) she can still wear a diaphragm as a bit of ‘stagecraft’ if that is a turn-on for him and he liked that idea.

Training devices: He asked what tools I use in my pelvic training course and I mentioned Ben Wa balls, dildos and pointe shoes, preferably Gaynor Minden if the student can be properly fitted in them. We had a long talk about pointe shoes. He had dated dancers, but had never been interested in their professional shoes until recently when he analyzed his fascination with ballet dancers and realized that en pointe the wearer radiates an aura of femininity, grace, poise and power which he finds extremely erotic. Sophie, his most recent girlfriend and my prospective student, let him watch her prepare new pairs of Freed pointes for her ballet classes and he was fascinated and amazed with how so mundane an item as a pair of her pointes can stoke his libido.  He is very smitten by her and just lights up when talking about her so I think he is very much in love.

The prospective student: In her mid-twenties Sophia (Sophie) comes from a wealthy merchant family in the midlands. Educated in schools in Switzerland and at Cambridge, she is an avid SCUBA diver with a strong background in ballet which she has taken continuously since she was five y/o. She has appeared in a number of University ballet productions and takes her ballet training seriously taking class three times a week or more frequently when time permits.  She is currently working for a high profile charity organization to ‘give back’ as so many of the great and good do these days. Ron was prepared and before I asked showed me a current copy of Sophie’s medical records. She has had her Gardasil shots and other vaccinations and isn’t allergic to latex (nor is Ron) which is important in regard to the diaphragm I want her to use as a sex toy during foreplay. And lastly, I was very pleased to know that she had a regular, 6 bead, frameless copper IUD inserted about six months ago and has adjusted to it well so she can enjoy the swing of her hormones as she continues to cycle naturally. I don’t know much more about her yet so I’m looking forward to meeting her.

Desires and the Red Sea: At first I thought the timing for my interview wasn’t ideal since Saturday (9/17) I was CD1 and bleeding and Sunday, CD2, was - as it usually is – the first of my heavy days so I couldn’t wear an Oves because the flow would float it off my cervix. However, I have very regular cycles and have never ovulated when I’ve been menstrual so I only needed a diaphragm for flow control.  When he found I was menstrual he had such a lovely smile and just to be sure asked if I minded menstrual sex as he said; “I seldom get the opportunity to swim in the red sea”. He led me to his bedroom then into the master bathroom and as we stripped watched me remove empty, wash my latex flat spring diaphragm which got him aroused and was fascinated when he asked if I could feel it when it was in place and I told him I couldn’t.  He asked if it was safe for me to leave it out during shower-sex and I said it was and left it on the rim of one of the twin washbasins since I’ve never ovulated while menstrual. Then he led me into the huge multi-head shower and adjusted the water to a comfortable warm temperature.

After we wet down he put his hands under my buttocks and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his waist as held me with my back against the wall while I tried to relax as I parted my labia and guided him as he inserted himself. It is such a thrill every time I take a new man! New DNA and a new set of bacteria are transferred between partners at an initial pairing and here I was about to have a very socially exalted man’s highly motile semen squirted into me. He smiled when he saw that I have nude pubes and mentioned that Sophie had recently had all her pubic hair removed and both he and she loved the nude look that showed the clean lines of her mons pubis and vulva.

He was gentle and thoughtful filling me slowly and it was amazing having unprotected sex with such an important man who has needs like all the other partners who I’ve had. His thick pubic bush caressed the shaft of my clit to get me off and my contractions pulled him along with me into mutual ecstasy. Then we soaped up and washed then dried each other off.  He watched as I reinserted my diaphragm which I was using as hygienic flow control that day. It’s other safety use as returning readers will recall is as ‘flood insurance’ to prevent the hydraulics of a lover’s thrusts from forcing pool water into my uterus during underwater sex which I suspected I would need that evening, and I did!

We took a relaxing swim in his pool where he took me face to face while I held on to the surround gutter as he held my hips and thrust into me. It was quick but wonderfully erotic.  Then having worked up an appetite we had a lovely dinner of rack of spring lamb that his chef had prepared and I told him that the flocks on my estate in Powys produce some of the best lamb in the UK.  Over dinner we had a delightful conversation. I was interested in knowing how he felt about being a second son and he said it suited him fine as he can get away with being a bit wild while his older brother has to be conventional since he is so often in the public eye. He was interested in the arc of my career and was fascinated at how I ended up as a Baroness with one of the oldest, largest and wealthiest estates in the UK. My life hasn’t been exactly a Cinderella story, but I have been extraordinarily fortunate and I realize it!

Scents: At bedtime he picked me up and carried me to his bed.  I mentioned that I needed to be milked and had my breast pump with me and asked if he liked the taste of breast milk and would like to milk me or if I should use the breast pump.  He had never had an adult nursing relationship (ANR) and eagerly agreed to breast feed so I told him how to peel my Lily Padz nipple shields off and suck my nipples to let my milk down. He was gentle being careful not to bite me as he sucked and emptied both breasts in about twenty minutes before we had menstrual sex again.  He had thick maroon bath towels to protect the pillow he slipped under my hips and the sheets from any menstrual flow. I let him remove my diaphragm this time for unprotected menstrual sex and to allow me to give him Pompoir with less effort. He took the partially filled diaphragm heavy with the scent of latex and my flow and licked the dome clean of the bloody discharge.

It was at that point in our encounter that I first gave him Pompoir telling him to hold on and not move while I milked his penis so he could see what Sophie should be able to do for him if she proves to be a good student. As he approached orgasm during Pompoir his grip on my shoulders tightened, he swelled inside me then shuddered, gasped, moaned and called me Sophie as he came filling me with jets of thick, hot, creamy semen! I’d seen that reaction before and knew that his calling me by her name when in my arms he had lost all sense of where he was.  I think I will tame him with a psychological penis leash, slowly and gently as too bold a move would raise a lot of questions from the circle in which he moves so it’s best to influence him from a distance.

Afterward, as I lay in his arms with our bloody coital discharge draining out of me he commented on the bouquet of scents from our lovemaking; my estrogenic perspiration, the metallic scent of my menstrual flow and sweet musk of my nipple leakage that soaked his chest hair as he lay on top of me during Pompoir.  I went to sleep with my face buried in his armpit where I could breathe deeply of his testosterone laced musk.   

To be continued... 

Lactation pleasures and problems

A Medela Easy Expressions breast pump in use

The Photo: A Medela Easy Expressions Bustier double electric breast pump similar to the one I use when there is no partner available to express my breasts and I need to be milked. Now I’m a 32B, but before I started to lactate I was a 32A cup. I think it’s empowering that the model is shown, like me, wearing no wedding ring.

Lactation as a male fetish: As returning long time readers know I’m lactating and have been for longer that I care to think about. I’ve never been preggers. My lactation was accidently induced during a switch of birth control pills when I was in my 20s when I was in Montreal working as a model for a Canadian latex fetishwear house while the ballet company I was dancing with was off during the summer.  I quickly found my then boyfriend liked milking me and as soon as I found that my producing milk wasn’t because I was pregnant or had a pituitary tumor - it was just an uncommon side effect from birth control hormones - I was vastly relieved. We were having such a good time with my amazingly quick arousal when I suckled him and felt my milk come down and his love of breast feeding that I managed to overcome or work around the negative side effects that confront lactating ballerinas.

One side effect being that larger and heavier breasts throw off a ballerina’s center which if she isn’t going to suppress her milk has to be readjusted and gotten used to. Another being a slight (four pound) increase in weight; and still another being hygiene as sometime leaking nipples can stain practice clothes, costumes and street clothes. I soon learned to wear LilyPadz that control leaking nipples, which for me often occur when I become sexually aroused. Until I became accustomed to the idea of wearing nipple shields I would still get caught by the occasional accident and end up smelling of warm breast milk.

When my milk-man boyfriend and I broke up at summer’s end and I returned to the company for the fall season I found men other than my former BF would love to milk me. I quickly tried to arrange to have an available man milk me before class, rehearsals and performances though finding a spot that gave us some privacy could be a challenge if we were traveling. If a man wasn’t available there was nothing to do but use a breast pump to pump my breasts and so I bought my first Medela a twin swing design that worked well for me for years. In an emergency I can hand express my milk but it is time consuming and messy.

In my experience, in the ballet world, lactating breasts, especially on a dancer who hasn’t given birth, were both envied and feared by women dancers with whom I was competing for roles and men, sometimes by the same women who rightly fear that my needing a man to express my breasts could attract their boyfriends with something exceptionally feminine and attractive that they weren’t willing to provide. As you might imagine over the years breastfeeding another dancer’s boyfriend (which I try to avoid unless she is not around and we can meet in private) hasn’t made me popular with my girlfriends and sometimes I made an enemy. That was rarely the case, but there were some tense moments and most women dancers felt far more secure when I was using my Medela in the women’s dressing room or restroom. Actually, on my part it was almost always purely physical since I just needed the help of a man, which I suppose upset so many of them. But like I said it didn’t bother any of them enough to be willing put up with the effort required to induce lactation and care for lactating breasts long term.

I tried watching rehearsals a few times standing along the wall while I was pumping. I wore a shrug or a sweater to cover most of the pump, but I was still such a distraction for the other company members, especially the men, that I stopped doing that before I was asked to. Over the years I’ve managed to hold the increase in breast size to a single cup size from a 32A to a 32B by limiting my milk production. And now when I’m pumping during a rehearsal or when teaching a long class (I try to avoid it if at all possible) since I’m in charge the women have gotten used to it, but I still get longing glances from some men who have not been asked to milk me.  

The nine male trainers and breast feeding: The two sets of Dwarfs+2 have an easier time when rotating through Anya and me than working full out with each of the PA candidates in training. Anya doesn’t work her male partner’s as hard as I work mine. She just enjoys having so many new and STI (including Zika) free men. I’m rather pleased to say that all the men love to milk me, suckling hungrily at my nipples and then fucking me boneless with a series of clitoral, G-spot and anterior fornix (A-spot) orgasms. Only rarely will a man, usually after a full meal, want to enter me from behind to thrust into my posterior fornix while I’m pumping with the Medela. When we are at my place or his, the afterglow nap after being milked and inseminated is exquisite. I drift off with my face buried in my lover’s armpit savoring his scent!

Breast pumping at the February 28, 2016 Oscars: Just to put breast pumping for the elite in the U.S. in perspective there were no lactation rooms provided. Not that there have ever been, but it is a necessity that has been overlooked for far too long. For more about that read the article HERE.

Dressed to fill – fetish lactation, dive-porn

Lactating and dressed to fill

The photo: The twin Medela swing electric breast pump the kind I use to express my breasts when no ANR partner is available is awesome! It’s so convenient! I can pump when I’m driving or when aboard Limnaea II or riding The Dragon and store my milk in a small fridge. 

The Pleasure of pumping: I’m not feeding an infant so I can have a glass of white wine and relax and enjoy the experience when pumping with no fear of harming a breast feeding partner. My let-down reflex (LDR) occurs very quickly so I have to be fast in getting into the harness and fitting the shields over my nipples or I’ll leak all over myself, but having been lactating for years I can don and doff my Medela very quickly. Fortunately my LDR is not super sensitive as it can be with some lactating moms whose nipples will start to leak when they hear a baby cry. Pumping is not as fulfilling as if I have an infant or an ANR partner at my breasts, but there is still the suction on my nipples and the warm tingly sensation when my milk begins to flow. Lactating requires a lot of work to keep the pump hardware clean, wearing LilyPadz to prevent breast leakage staining my tops and using wipes to clean up spills so I don’t smell like warm breast milk.  However, there are some breast fetishists who love the astringent scent when rancid milk is mixed with the aroma of estrogenic sweaty latex and latex polish when his partner is in a rubber catsuit. Although for most men a bouquet that complex can be an acquired taste. As I’ve mentioned before I love that front close bras have become fashionable especially in sports styles that provide comfort, support and ease of getting in to and out of it especially for those of us in ANRs.

Morning Wood and lactation: When they find I’m lactation a new acquaintance will ask, “How old is your baby?” Then I have to explain that I’ve never been pregnant and my induced lactation was a rare side effect of changing then coming off combined (estrogen/progestin) hormonal birth control pills. I found lactating such a pleasure, though a lot of work especially for a performing ballet dancer, that I kept my milk flowing and have enjoyed exchanging intimate secretions with my lovers for years. The down side is that my breasts went from a 32A cup to a B which caused me to have to redefine my center for turns and balances. Too a B cup ballet dancer is a bit busty so for some roles I bind my breasts and I always empty them before a performance; preferably of course with in an ANR, but often when I’m traveling with a breast pump as any dancer who has ever tried it never wants to jump, turn and be partnered with full breasts again. 

Marvin was already in love with me as the reincarnation of his dead wife Jenna before he found I was lactating just as Jenna was for their young son when they both were killed in a car crash several years ago. The physical similarities between Jenna and me are astounding: height (5’4”), weight (105), hair color (red), eye color (green), bone structure (fine), handedness (left), pelvis (wide), diaphragm user (80mm) and now lactation.   

When he found he could actually have an adult nursing relationship with me - Jenna had allowed him only a taste as she needed all her milk for their baby boy – he was ecstatic and wants me to marry him, but while I love him I enjoy my freedom unconstrained by a marriage license. When we go clubbing I like to wear a fashionable nursing top or a front-zip latex catsuit that displays my breasts beautifully and can be opened for a partner to milk me.

Las Vegas to Baker’s Bay, Virgin Gorda: We got a late start out of McCarran on Saturday the 16^th  as Pirate, the man running my casino’s stable of escorts, gave my wards a small graduation party where we all had what might turn out to be our last Vegas sex, but maybe not. The distance from McCarran International Airport (IATA: LAS) to St Thomas USVI Cyril E. King Airport (IATA: STT) is 3,275 miles. At a cruising speed of 550 mph the flying time was about 6 ½ hours, perhaps a bit less with a tailwind going east. Landing at Charlotte Amalie at 9:00AM AST. It took an hour to transfer the luggage to the Wanton Lass for the 7 ¼ hour sail from Charlotte Amalie to Lost cove on Baker’s Bay.

The sailing distance from Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas to Lost Cove on Baker’s bay, Virgin Gorda is about 70.0 km (43.5) miles. About 6 hours 14 minutes by ferry. On board the Wanton Lass IV sailing at 6 mph (5.2kts) it should be about 7 ¼ hours assuming good weather and sea conditions. The US and British Virgin Islands are on Atlantic Standard Time (AST) which is the same as the U.S. Eastern Daylight time so we are 5 hours behind British Summer Time, BST.  I’ve had a floating pier and elevator installed so we able to dock and walk ashore. There is no more landing in small boats and carrying supplies and luggage across the beach and up the cliff stairway to the house which makes things far more convenient. We were all unpacked, showered and settled in in time to enjoy a late supper of Caribbean spiny lobsters and drawn butter on the veranda overlooking the cove.

Dive-Porn at Lost Cove: Taryn’s porn production company, the techies and actors, arrived the next day, the 19^th, to produce another dive-porn video. My wards including Bea all want bit parts so they may be extras appearing in party or beach scenes or anonymous in SCUBA in underwater group scenes. They all want penetrative sex on camera in beach, bed or dive scenes, but with their hair or backs to the camera obscuring their faces so they can’t be identified and none have tats so they can hide fairly easily in dive gear even when wearing bikinis. Taryn’s Director is always glad to have more young hard-bodied women for background and the professional actresses don’t mind as the men use the new girls to practice with and there is a divemaster on every dive so the girls are physically quite safe and since everyone in the film crew and my girls and I have had recent negative full STI panel screenings – coordinated through Chris our male Gyn who always comes to Virgin Gorda with us - we should be safe in that regard.

Having penetrative sex with a gorgeous and massively hung male porn star is, in addition to a thrill, always a great story for a girl’s-night-out. So the girls had me check the fit of their latex Reflexions diaphragms which they use for flood insurance since they all have GyneFix frameless and stringless copper bead IUDs inserted for contraception. The cunilingus scenes are being shot first since we all use DiveGel+ in our vaginas for the underwater sex scenes and the silicone lube doesn’t taste good and coats the mouth so it’s a good idea for a man to avoid eating her pussy when he just fucked his partner while she was using DiveGel.

While blocking out underwater scenes yesterday, the 19^th, we had an interruption when a rented sailing yacht about the size of the Lusty Lass entered the cove and anchored just outside the buoyed area where filming was underway. There were three couples in their late twenties or early thirties aboard. The women had hard athletic bodies and the men were handsome and well muscled making lovely couples. They put on masks flippers and scuba gear and came down to see what we were doing and it soon became apparent that they were very interested in participating. We were at a depth of about 35 feet when one of the women had a seizure and expelled her reg and her dive buddies couldn’t get it back in her mouth as she vomited.

I later learned she was newly pregnant and suffered a miscarriage on the dive. She has the single rod Nexplanon contraceptive implant and wasn’t menstruating so she didn’t know she was pregnant and the stress of the pressure changes during her week of diving probably caused the spontaneous abortion. It was obvious to all of us that she couldn’t recover and our divemaster helped the men get her aboard their boat. We called for a medi-lift helicopter which took her and her partner to the hospital at Spanish Town and then on to Charlotte Amalie to be treated for aspiration pneumonia and her miscarriage. Before he boarded the helicopter her partner told me she had no idea she was pregnant and had been on the contraceptive implant for several years with no problems. The rest of her party pulled up anchor and sailed for Spanish Town.  

To avoid that sort of thing is why we all routinely test for pregnancy. While the risk is slight since we are all using very effective methods of contraception we are all having frequent sex with unprotected and very potent men. You can never be certain that you are completely safe from conceiving and pregnancy and diving is a dangerous combination. During the spontaneous abortion the camera crew never stopped recording. The director just had them switch from the actors to the woman in her bikini with blood gushing around her thong as her contractions pushed the aborted fetus into the water and her reg floated free above her head as she vomited. He plans to use that few minutes of a real life and death drama in the porn video.

Spontaneous abortion in a drysuit

Scylla and Charybdis looking north through the Strait of Messina

The illustration: Scylla and Charybdis were mythical sea monsters noted by Homer; later Greek tradition placed them on opposite sides of the Strait of Messina between Sicily and the Italian mainland. Scylla was rationalized as a rock shoal (described as a six-headed sea monster) on the Italian side of the strait and Charybdis was a whirlpool off the coast of Sicily. They were regarded as a sea hazard located close enough to each other that they posed an inescapable threat to passing sailors. Avoiding Charybdis meant passing too close to Scylla and vice versa. According to Homer, Odysseus was forced to choose which monster to confront while passing through the strait. He chose to pass by Scylla and lose only a few sailors, rather than risk the loss of his entire ship in the whirlpool.

The Charybdis: Yesterday Adolph took the girls and Alice and Chris (our male Gyn) and me on the Charybdis his 120 ft. yacht to look at the shoreline from the lake. There was wind the day before and four foot waves, but yesterday the wind was calm and the water relatively smooth. The water in the lake is amazingly clear and the lake is 22 miles long and 12 miles wide and the deepest point is 1,645 feet in Crystal bay on the California side in North East corner. We spent most of the day on the water with a wonderful seafood lunch of jumbo shrimp, king crab legs, drawn butter and beer! Seconds on the lips and forever on the hips! Sigh! While on the California side we stopped briefly at a casino for Alice to try her luck at Blackjack and after being down by $3,500 she rallied and ended up winning $7,200 and change and decided at that point to stop for the day.  

Drysuit spontaneous abortion: On the way back we were passing by a neighboring estate and saw the owner’s daughter in a drysuit trying to clear the fouled propeller of their motorboat which had run through netting of some sort without taking the boat out of the water. Adolph stopped to help because he knew she was pregnant in her first trimester and shouldn’t be doing anything strenuous or even shallow diving. He said the baby was her step-brother’s and she hadn’t decided whether to terminate it, but would have to decide soon as she was due back at UNLV in less than two weeks. She waved then with cutters in hand dove again and then she inverted and her boots came to the surface and she couldn’t right herself. She was not wearing a buoyancy vest and had been depending on the air in her suit for buoyancy. We could see her doubled over struggling unable to get her chest above her legs and feet. And then she expelled her mouthpiece and it looked to me as though she was having severe cramps.

Adolph and Chris jumped in and got her head to the surface and added air to her suit but she wasn’t breathing and we got her around to the dive transom and pulled her on deck. Chris cleared her airway and gave her Artificial respiration and got her breathing again and she was moaning and doubled up with cramps and I knew she was spontaneously aborting. Willow and I opened the shoulder zipper of her drysuit and got the neck seal over her head then got the wrist seals over her hands and managed to pull her out of the rubber suit and found below the waist she was soaked with blood and was still hemorrhaging.  We had already called 911 and pulled in to a nearby marina where an ambulance met us at the dock, but it was too late and she bled to death.

Adolph said she told him weeks ago that she had been on the extended cycle combined pill Seasonique (84 active 7 placebo with 0.15mg of levonorgestrel / 30mcg EE and 7 placebo tablets with10mcg EE) And had forgotten and was 2 days late starting a new pack so she was 9 days w/o a therapeutic level of hormones which caused her to ovulate and she used no back-up method for protection while a therapeutic hormone level was reestablished all the while having sex with her step-brother who is a 23 y/o grad student at UNLV.

Exquisite sex: After witnessing a tragedy like having the pregnant 19 y/o bleed out in front of us after a miscarriage I needed sex so badly I was almost panting with desire. I think it’s because healthy humans realize at moments like that how fleeting life is and there is a very strong need to experience the most intimate and fulfilling mutual experience between a man and woman to reaffirm being alive. Death or severe injury of people around me has always affected me that way and the few of my girlfriends who have been willing to talk about it say they are the same way. The others are too embarrassed to admit it. And in the few instances that I’ve had occasion to notice how my wards act after a tragedy occurs to a friend they are the same way, needing the reaffirmation of life and wellbeing through mind-blowing sex.

So it was normal after witnessing the neighbor’s death that we all needed our brains fucked out to take our minds off what we had seen. So with the aid of one of the men who had just come back from nine holes of golf and with twenty minutes of wonderfully placed thrusts I was tipped repeatedly into gasping, moaning, mewing, screaming ecstasy by one of Pirate’s best swordsmen after which I snuggled in his arms covered with the scent of his testosterone laced sweat to enjoy a nap in afterglow.

Alice plays the field: She is luxuriating in the differences between her different sex partners techniques sampling five a day; two in the morning, two after lunch and one to take to bed for the night. I’ve also found she has a taste for breast milk. After watching me empty my breasts with my Medela she offered to milk me as she enjoys the taste! Who knew? She nurses very gently but forcefully. She can develop a lot of suction and tonguing my nipples brings down my milk so quickly that if she is here much longer with our ANR I’m afraid she will increase my breast size which I need to avoid as that throws off my balance for dancing.  After being milked I am extremely aroused and to release the pooled blood in my pelvis she inserts two fingers and caresses my G-spot until I find release and have a shuddering gasping orgasm then nap in her arms. She is a very considerate lover!  

The tease, the altar ego and an ANR

Teasing Marvin in a pair of my old Gaynors

The photo: Me introducing “Morning Wood” to Gaynor Minden pointes teasing him with the ribbons – tying my feet into my shoes which he thinks of as ‘ballet bondage’ - before our first ballet-sex encounter with me wearing them. He understands as few other men have how important wearing pointes is for me as they boost my confidence exponentially.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder): After watching Brad switch, change personalities, from his vanilla in-charge self when he is the professional psychiatrist helping me understand my new role as a sexual libertine, to his kinky identity when he is a asexually assertive submissive in my thrall when I am wearing Jenna’s things I’ve concluded that he has at least two distinct personalities; the eminent psychiatrist and the love-sick sexually assertive submissive.

Marvin “Morning” Wood: For a link to an article about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) article click: HERE.   This article says that multiple personalities occur from some childhood trauma from which the individual is trying to protect him or her self. Nothing that Brad has told me about his childhood indicates that so perhaps he is just good at hiding it. However, I think his marvelously studly sexual  submissive identity, Marvin “Morning” Wood, began appearing shortly after his marriage to Jenna (I’ve seen letters addressed to her from Marvin Wood when he traveled so she knew of his alter ego’s obsession with her in pointe shoes) as he craved her approval for his masculinity. From what he’s said I think the ‘Morning Wood’ persona was developed fully shortly after her death as he began the search for her replacement. For the time being he seems to have settled on me and he is thoughtful and affectionate and a magnificent lover as his fetish personality suggests, and, during a sexual encounter with me as Jenna he takes directions wonderfully. I love it that when we are out together with me as Jenna he likes me to call him ‘MW’ or Woody.

He named his alter ego appropriately as I’ve never seen a harder or more ready man when he wakes and he usually needs to get off several times before his penis wilts. I’ve begun having a casino car pick me up at his place when I sleep over because some of the best sex with him is in the mornings, so I need time after I shower to get myself together before leading an early morning class at the casino. I don’t think he is violent or that I’m in any danger, but I believe he wouldn’t mind if I was able to give him such an intense sexual encounter that it killed him. I think I mentioned earlier that sometimes before we have sex he is so needy he seems suicidal.

Jenna, Marvin and pointe shoes: Brad’s alter ego Marvin was so needy when I returned from Scotland! I‘ve decided to try and gradually expand his sexual experiences with me as ‘Jenna’. And because he is so into pointe shoes I think I stand the best chance of getting him accepting new things in that area of his fixation since he relied on her to show him what she liked which influenced him. Not that he is getting tired of Jenna in Bloch Alpha pointes he still lusts for her in them, but eventually her supply of Alpha shoes will be used up so this is a good time to ease and tease him into what I hope will be a strong fascination with GMs.

I’ve already begun to limit the amount of ballet-sex I’m offering him while wearing Alphas, explaining that I’ve just found Gaynor Minden shoes which are more comfy while lasting longer. He’s not concerned about the cost of her shoes, but he does appreciate her making good economic choices. So while he was cautious about loving her in GM pointes as much as in Alphas after the first several ballet-sex encounters with me on my toes in Gaynors he became a believer, because Jenna was a believer in them.

An adult nursing relationship (ANR):  I found Marvin loves breast milk. I had meant to pump my breasts before I went to Brad’s, but didn’t have time so I took the pump along thinking he might be interested in seeing me pump and perhaps would even want a taste. When I’d made the change to Jenna and unzipped the bag holding my Medela he wanted to know what I was doing. I told him I was going to pump my breasts as they were full (32 B/C cups when they are engorged) and I needed to be milked. I was about to offer him a meal at my breasts when he hung his head and asked quietly if he could please breast feed. I was amazed! It turned out that Jenna had needed all her output for their son and then as she started to wean him she refused Marvin’s request to breast feed because she was trying to stop lactating as she began getting her body back in dancing shape again.  That I hadn’t asked him was in keeping with Jenna’s earlier behavior, but when I agreed and put my pump away he was overjoyed and we lay on the couch in his living room with me on a thick soft towel to catch any nipple leakage when he hungrily latched on switching his sucking between breasts until he had emptied them.  

So an ANR is a huge plus in my favor in my role as Jenna as he is now more invested than ever in the delusion that I’m Jenna and with him developing an adult nursing relationship with me it should make my control of him more profound.  I am going to have to watch the quantity that he is taking because I don’t want my breasts to increase in size. Returning readers may remember that I’m taking meds to limit my milk supply so I don’t lose my 32B cup size and therefore my Balanchine figure. But lactating burns calories so I can eat just about anything I want and with my ballet training regimen, frequent intense sexual activity and being gently milked routinely my weight is stable at 105 lbs.

Ballet and lactation

Practicing her aim with a full breast

Ballet, boobs and balance: I had such a lovely chat with a friend last evening! It started with how the economies in our respective areas of the country were doing and I was telling him about how the trade in very high end escorts and porn had taken off here as men retreated into fantasy as the economy tanked and that the high end European and Asian men seem to prefer big breasted blonds. And since we are a service industry we provide what the customer wants.

We commented about breast size not being all there is to a woman and I agreed saying that even with me lactating I’m just a 32A/B cup and when my breasts are engorged I’m a small B. And that I’m glad my set is no larger since for a classical dancer large breasts are a problem. Big boobs throw a dancer’s balance off and there is inertia to overcome starting and stopping turns and in jumps and landings as well so a B cup is about all a classical dancer can handle w/o binding her chest with an elasticized bandage or wearing a really snug body suit with built-in compression cups.

My friend asked how I came to be lactating and I told him. I have told this story before but perhaps not on Blogger so I’ll go over it again for readers who might care. First, no I wasn’t pregnant. Several years ago I was working as a model for a Canadian latex fetishwear company and I got a lot of breast stimulation while getting in and out of latex encasement suits. And, at the time I had a boyfriend who was very big into boobs and breast play. So much so that it seemed, to me anyway, most of the time he was with me he had one on my nipples in his mouth. Over a several month period my nipples began to leak and then flow and my breasts started to grow larger as my milk came in. My doctor had my pituitary gland checked for a tumor – a common cause of an increased prolactin level and nipple discharge) and found none. After that he concluded I was healthy and I’d just had induced lactation from the amount of breast stimulation increasing my prolactin level.

Now that I’m established in Vegas I have a stable of men who milk me and seem to enjoy the taste of warm breast milk. Being milked always makes me want sex. I think the oxytocin rush coming from breast feeding was originally a bonding mechanism between mother and infant but for me it seems to work just as well between adults. And my younger Ward, Cyndi, loves to milk me too. I think at least with Cyndi I’m Bi because we have such a good time in bed together. Fortunately she turned 16 earlier this year so she’s legal now in Nevada. I try to be careful that both of my breasts get the same amount of attention so one doesn’t get larger than the other. That would really be hell for a classical dancer, having to pad myself out… OMG!

I have a portable Medela battery powered breast pump for when I’m traveling and there is no one around to milk me, but I try to find a man interested in volunteering and I’m usually successful, especially if I offer penetrative sex afterward. If I’m flying commercial I’ll just pour the pumped milk down the sink rather that the hassle of trying to tell the TSA screeners it isn’t a bomb. That’s one reason I have ‘Limnaea’ my Gulfstream G550. No showing my diaphragms and plug sets to screeners and sex in flight when I’m on my own plane!