Devices and desires

Leaking nipples, a common side effect of lactation

The Photo: Leaking nipples that can be controlled by using a pad that presses down on the nipple to halt leakage. The kind that work well for me are clear Lily Padz that have adhesive backs that stay in place even while swimming. Before someone asks, no this is not a Pic of my breast, it’s too large to be mine.

The saga continues: Returning readers will recall in my post of September 21^st, entitled “An offer I couldn’t refuse” I wrote about going to a prospective client (Ron’s) home on a ‘job interview’. In person Ron is very charming and did not display his wild side which the tabloids are so fond of publicizing though when we got into the details he was quite the randy gentleman as we were one-on-one and there was a limited amount of alcohol since that can affect sexual performance. During my sit-down interview we talked about me. He already knew my background as a dancer, courtesan and pelvic skills teacher and we seemed to be of the same mind about sex, BDSM and the D/s subculture about which he was interested, but not as an active participant, yet.  

Contraceptive devices: He asked what I used for contraception and mentioned he preferred bareback sex and his dislike of condoms which seems almost universal in men, except perhaps for rubber fetishists. He believes birth control is “the woman’s responsibility” and I agree since it will be me who gets pregnant if a partner’s condom tears or comes off. However, for a man who isn’t sure of the effectiveness of his partner’s birth control a condom is a good idea – that could save him the cost of a paternity suit or an abortion - and of course for a new partner with an unknown sexual history it’s ‘no glove, no love’. But I digress…

He was amazed that I use cervical barriers for contraception when I told him about my preference for latex flat spring diaphragms and the silicone Oves cervical cap. And when I showed him the spare latex FS from my slit-kit it seemed to add a bit of spice for him seeing and fondling a device with which a woman can protect herself against his sperm. He became quite obviously aroused when later I showed him how I removed and inserted the one I was wearing.  So a cervical barrier device works wonderfully as foreplay for him. I pointed out that even if his girlfriend has a frameless, copper bead GyneFix IUD implanted (which she does) she can still wear a diaphragm as a bit of ‘stagecraft’ if that is a turn-on for him and he liked that idea.

Training devices: He asked what tools I use in my pelvic training course and I mentioned Ben Wa balls, dildos and pointe shoes, preferably Gaynor Minden if the student can be properly fitted in them. We had a long talk about pointe shoes. He had dated dancers, but had never been interested in their professional shoes until recently when he analyzed his fascination with ballet dancers and realized that en pointe the wearer radiates an aura of femininity, grace, poise and power which he finds extremely erotic. Sophie, his most recent girlfriend and my prospective student, let him watch her prepare new pairs of Freed pointes for her ballet classes and he was fascinated and amazed with how so mundane an item as a pair of her pointes can stoke his libido.  He is very smitten by her and just lights up when talking about her so I think he is very much in love.

The prospective student: In her mid-twenties Sophia (Sophie) comes from a wealthy merchant family in the midlands. Educated in schools in Switzerland and at Cambridge, she is an avid SCUBA diver with a strong background in ballet which she has taken continuously since she was five y/o. She has appeared in a number of University ballet productions and takes her ballet training seriously taking class three times a week or more frequently when time permits.  She is currently working for a high profile charity organization to ‘give back’ as so many of the great and good do these days. Ron was prepared and before I asked showed me a current copy of Sophie’s medical records. She has had her Gardasil shots and other vaccinations and isn’t allergic to latex (nor is Ron) which is important in regard to the diaphragm I want her to use as a sex toy during foreplay. And lastly, I was very pleased to know that she had a regular, 6 bead, frameless copper IUD inserted about six months ago and has adjusted to it well so she can enjoy the swing of her hormones as she continues to cycle naturally. I don’t know much more about her yet so I’m looking forward to meeting her.

Desires and the Red Sea: At first I thought the timing for my interview wasn’t ideal since Saturday (9/17) I was CD1 and bleeding and Sunday, CD2, was - as it usually is – the first of my heavy days so I couldn’t wear an Oves because the flow would float it off my cervix. However, I have very regular cycles and have never ovulated when I’ve been menstrual so I only needed a diaphragm for flow control.  When he found I was menstrual he had such a lovely smile and just to be sure asked if I minded menstrual sex as he said; “I seldom get the opportunity to swim in the red sea”. He led me to his bedroom then into the master bathroom and as we stripped watched me remove empty, wash my latex flat spring diaphragm which got him aroused and was fascinated when he asked if I could feel it when it was in place and I told him I couldn’t.  He asked if it was safe for me to leave it out during shower-sex and I said it was and left it on the rim of one of the twin washbasins since I’ve never ovulated while menstrual. Then he led me into the huge multi-head shower and adjusted the water to a comfortable warm temperature.

After we wet down he put his hands under my buttocks and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his waist as held me with my back against the wall while I tried to relax as I parted my labia and guided him as he inserted himself. It is such a thrill every time I take a new man! New DNA and a new set of bacteria are transferred between partners at an initial pairing and here I was about to have a very socially exalted man’s highly motile semen squirted into me. He smiled when he saw that I have nude pubes and mentioned that Sophie had recently had all her pubic hair removed and both he and she loved the nude look that showed the clean lines of her mons pubis and vulva.

He was gentle and thoughtful filling me slowly and it was amazing having unprotected sex with such an important man who has needs like all the other partners who I’ve had. His thick pubic bush caressed the shaft of my clit to get me off and my contractions pulled him along with me into mutual ecstasy. Then we soaped up and washed then dried each other off.  He watched as I reinserted my diaphragm which I was using as hygienic flow control that day. It’s other safety use as returning readers will recall is as ‘flood insurance’ to prevent the hydraulics of a lover’s thrusts from forcing pool water into my uterus during underwater sex which I suspected I would need that evening, and I did!

We took a relaxing swim in his pool where he took me face to face while I held on to the surround gutter as he held my hips and thrust into me. It was quick but wonderfully erotic.  Then having worked up an appetite we had a lovely dinner of rack of spring lamb that his chef had prepared and I told him that the flocks on my estate in Powys produce some of the best lamb in the UK.  Over dinner we had a delightful conversation. I was interested in knowing how he felt about being a second son and he said it suited him fine as he can get away with being a bit wild while his older brother has to be conventional since he is so often in the public eye. He was interested in the arc of my career and was fascinated at how I ended up as a Baroness with one of the oldest, largest and wealthiest estates in the UK. My life hasn’t been exactly a Cinderella story, but I have been extraordinarily fortunate and I realize it!

Scents: At bedtime he picked me up and carried me to his bed.  I mentioned that I needed to be milked and had my breast pump with me and asked if he liked the taste of breast milk and would like to milk me or if I should use the breast pump.  He had never had an adult nursing relationship (ANR) and eagerly agreed to breast feed so I told him how to peel my Lily Padz nipple shields off and suck my nipples to let my milk down. He was gentle being careful not to bite me as he sucked and emptied both breasts in about twenty minutes before we had menstrual sex again.  He had thick maroon bath towels to protect the pillow he slipped under my hips and the sheets from any menstrual flow. I let him remove my diaphragm this time for unprotected menstrual sex and to allow me to give him Pompoir with less effort. He took the partially filled diaphragm heavy with the scent of latex and my flow and licked the dome clean of the bloody discharge.

It was at that point in our encounter that I first gave him Pompoir telling him to hold on and not move while I milked his penis so he could see what Sophie should be able to do for him if she proves to be a good student. As he approached orgasm during Pompoir his grip on my shoulders tightened, he swelled inside me then shuddered, gasped, moaned and called me Sophie as he came filling me with jets of thick, hot, creamy semen! I’d seen that reaction before and knew that his calling me by her name when in my arms he had lost all sense of where he was.  I think I will tame him with a psychological penis leash, slowly and gently as too bold a move would raise a lot of questions from the circle in which he moves so it’s best to influence him from a distance.

Afterward, as I lay in his arms with our bloody coital discharge draining out of me he commented on the bouquet of scents from our lovemaking; my estrogenic perspiration, the metallic scent of my menstrual flow and sweet musk of my nipple leakage that soaked his chest hair as he lay on top of me during Pompoir.  I went to sleep with my face buried in his armpit where I could breathe deeply of his testosterone laced musk.   

To be continued... 

Sex with a Succubus - the dead wife fantasy

Jenna’s Bloch Alpha S0104 ¾ outer sole pointes

The Photo: My New psychiatrist’s, dead wife, Jenna’s, size 4 ½ Bloch pointes she wore throughout her cycle except when menstrual. As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post when menstrual she wore a 5 ½ in Bloch Alphas.

The dead wife fantasy: In my experience some virile men after losing a mate to death seek solace in fantasy sex and it happens more than you might think. But they often feel guilty about cheating on the memory of their mate. Brad’s wife had been a ballet dancer with the San Francisco Ballet when they met and married while he was in med school. He has photos of her in practice clothes and costumes in his condo and she was a lovely 27 y/o with a Balanchine body (long legs and neck, short trunk, small head and breasts and relatively big feet) when she died. He has repeatedly told me how much I look like her and from the photos of her in his home I could be her identical twin.

It turns out that beautiful Brad has a very active imagination and one of his fantasies is that I’m his dead wife and when we are alone he calls me Jenna. He has given me permission to use her dressing room and bathroom in their Condo when I share his bed. And I’m encouraged if not required to wear her clothes, jewelry and perfume. Nothing in her suite had been touched, except to be dusted and her last dirty laundry was still in her hamper with her scent still on it. I went through her lingerie drawers and closets and I have very similar tastes to hers. She had nursing bras and was still breast feeding when she died so we have that in common too. And just like me she also wore LilyPadz breast pads to help with leaking nipples. 

I meet him at his Condo for our sexual and psychotherapy sessions. Jenna’s small studio with a Marley floor, barre and mirrored wall was converted from a bedroom and can be reached through a connecting door from her dressing room.  I change into her practice clothes which fit me wonderfully well, empty my bowels and bladder, insert one of her Omniflex diaphragms and my sports plug and wear her scent. I come out of her dressing room into the studio where he is waiting for me and only then put on my pointes (Jenna’s Bloch Alphas) where he can watch. All during these sessions he calls me Jenna. After a 20 minute warm-up I change into her stripping costume and back in the studio put on Beautiful Dreamer which was one of Jenna’s favorites. The routine is about 3.5 minutes long and leaves me wearing only my Alpha pointes and plug.

I had intended to wear my own pointes as she wore Bloch in a slightly smaller size and I like hard shanked Gaynors when I’m having sex on my toes since then I don’t have to worry about proper technique and can put my weight on my heels and enjoy being made love to and concentrate on timing my orgasm with my partner’s which is always special being hurled into ecstasy simultaneously. But all that changed, at least while I’m Jenna and recently when I’ve gone clubbing with Brad while dressed in her things. When I tried on her Bloch Alphas I found that I love how they fit and with the ¾ outsole how well they display my high arches! I do just a tiny glamour charm – it’s easy to do with today’s cosmetics - so to him my face and body look and feel and my voice sounds exactly like Jenna’s. When I do that he is in my power and I can do anything I want with him or to him.

His penis is massive! It's wonderfully hard and dripping pre-ejaculate when I finish stripping down to my pointes and plug. He is so ready to take me!  I let him back me against the barre, remove my sports plug and slip it into my mouth as I fondle his testicles all snugged tight against his pubic bone with one hand and caress his nipples with the other while I suck my own secretions off my sports plug before I turn, to face the barre, go on pointe in second position, bend over and grip the barre with both hands and band over and relax my pelvic muscles as much as possible while on my toes so he can enter me. Jenna was one of the few classical dancers who had started wearing plugs to intensify male interest (she was fitted at Gepettos, I checked, and she bought it 6 months before she was killed) so I wonder how faithful Jenna may have been. But I’m certainly not going to mention that to Brad. I’m using my own sports plug as each is custom made to fit the wearer’s pelvic anatomy. Sucking on my sports plug muffles my screams if he rams my cervix tip to tip.

Bloch Alpha pointes for ballet-sex: I’ve written about this before but it bears repeating as there are readers of this blog who try to imitate my use of footwear, often to their sorrow after injuring themselves. Wearing Bloch Alpha pointes for ballet-sex should not be attempted by inexperienced women. Alpha pointes are for women very experienced in pointework advanced pre-professional students or at the professional level and then only by ones with very strong feet. Brad so wants me to wear her shoes when I’m on my toes while we make love, I was skeptical, but I’m glad I agreed to try as I love wearing her shoes! She had almost finished preparing a new order of shoes with ribbons and elastics so she has almost two dozen pairs. Many have already been broken in and are ready to go.

She had lost her baby weight and regained her stamina, I can tell from the level of her Chi, so she was planning a return to performing in the near future when she died though from her aura I can tell she hadn’t told Brad she was returning to performing professionally again. I’m so entheuastic about the Alpha style I’m going to selectively put some of my wards and women escort trainees in Alphas to increase the difficulty of their training. Both Bea and Willow have Giselle feet and strong arches and Bea could use the additional challenge so I’m going to introduce both of them to the Alpha style which I think they will like.

Channeling a ghost: I wear the same scents she wore; vanilla, Chanel #5 and Shalimar. I use the heavy spicy scent sparingly mixed with my fertile musk and dab it on my pulse points a combination that ensnares men from the slightest whiff.  Her tights and leotards fit me perfectly and she had quite a few thong-back leos for practice and to play in w/o tights or with tights over her TB leo for quick access just like I do! It is scary how seemingly alike we are! It’s as though she has gone away for the weekend and I’m just taking her place temporarily. Thought of like that everything seems almost normal for a new white hot infatuation. Over time however while the intensity of Brad’s obsession has only increased my need to test his stamina and exhaust him while I’m channeling Jenna has become troubling.

When we’re alone at his place he has me dress in her clothes. Often he wants me barelegged in a thong back long sleeve turtleneck leotard and Alpha pointes as he conducts my therapy session. In her clothes and with her Milex inserted I can feel her presence guiding me and telling me the little things she did that enchanted him so, like forcing her tongue under his foreskin to caress his glans before he becomes aroused and massively erect. He is so into that fantasy when I’m kneeling between his legs with my tongue sheathed by his foreskin as I gently caress his testicles! I’m sure that my being a ballet dancer as well as a sexuality expert was why he approached me to work with him in his study of hypersexuality. He was taught by the Psychiatrist I helped years ago when he was studying habitual sexual offenders and I’m certain my name and contribution to that study came up.  

Even at my age I can easily pass for being in my very early 30s so physically there is very little difference between the in-shape 27 y/o in the photos and me as an in-shape and very well preserved 43 y/o classical ballet dancer. Except that I’m much tighter than she ever was! I was thrilled to hear that! I don’t think he intended to tell me, but it sort of slipped out between gasps the first time I ripple gripped him. When we first met I immediately sensed he was hoping for an intimate relationship as well as an assistant since he kept telling me how much I look like her. I know I’m repeating myself, but he just tells me that over and over! He says he knows he can’t bring her back, but wants so badly to relive some of their most intense times together. However, there is a much darker side to Brad’s fantasy with me being Jenna.

Jenna as a Succubus: From Wikipedia: “A succubus is a female demon or supernatural entity in folklore (traced back to medieval legend) that appears in dreams and takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.

In modern fictional representations, a succubus may or may not appear in dreams and is often depicted as a highly attractive seductress or enchantress; whereas, in the past, succubi were generally depicted as frightening and demonic.”

The sex is so intense for us both that in the last few days, as I’ve spent more time as Jenna, I’ve begun to see signs of him physically weakening. He is now on Cialis and topical testosterone, which are helping his stamina to some extent. I’m beginning to think Jenna ghost is not as benign as either of us once thought because when I’m channeling her I’m insatiable! Not that I mind for myself as I’m enjoying the experience. But when I’ve drained Brad and know I should let him rest her control over my libido has me keep going sucking out all his fluids and keeping him erect for hours at a time until he is bordering on Priapism except that I’m continuously stimulating him and his penis is so sore, but neither of us want to stop. When I’m, or is it Jenna who is eventually sated Jenna aura fades and Brad will collapse and fall into a deep sleep of twelve to sixteen hours, which has played havoc his practice of psychiatry.