Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Adolph and the wood chipper

An unmodified Altec Whisper wood chipper

A Halloween fright:
The UNLV sorority’s Hex or Sex party over the Halloween weekend at Adolph’s estate in the Spring Mts was a huge success with nearly $20,000 raised for charity in the four days the girls worked the mansion. The university football team was well represented in the customer base and there was a sort of a challenge thing some of the guys had going as to which one could “get the most ass.” I’m sure they were using performance enhancers to be able to keep it up, but a few of them kept coming and cumming… It is amazing what competition between men for tight pussy can do to a man’s mind.

Adolph brought one of his wood chippers over and parked it in back of the mansion with the discharge shoot pointing away from the patio where everyone could see it. I thought it was new because it was a lot larger than the ones I’d seen him use at his place in the hills. Every one was wondering WTF since it sort of detracted from the otherwise elegant surroundings of the mansion and its livered staff which Adolph also paid for. For those of us who know Adolph well seeing a really massive chipper on the lawn in front of the patio did not bode well. He seemed to be angry with his ‘Lorelei in residence’, Abi, a gorgeous 25 y/o German and former ballet dancer who he had working as house Madam while dressed in a leather catsuit and a pair of Gepetto’s $3,500 ballet boots, ones with the single unit titanium shank and toe box and interchangeable titanium spike heels. I complimented her on her boots as they are like the pairs I have for social boot occasions when there is almost no possibility I would need armored boots or bladed heels.

His argument with Abi increased in intensity as the evening progressed and then as we all gathered on the patio for a final drink before the house closed Adolph started the chipper then suddenly came after Abi and threw in. She screamed as she was pulled into the spinning blades. There was a grinding noise chunks of flesh and blood sprayed from the discharge chute and several of the guests and sorority sisters fainted and others who saw her shredded screamed and threw up. I stood frozen in place horrified, not that he would do something like that - I knew he would - but that he would do it in front of all those witnesses. And I’m thinking what’s wrong with this picture? And about that time Adolph shut off chipper and Abi appeared from behind the huge machine smiling and waving and three more women fainted.

Fortunately we had collected everyone’s cells as they arrived so someone wouldn’t get a call and ruin an expensive intimate moment. That probably saved having a flood of calls to 911 reporting a murder. It turned out that Adolph had modified the chipper so that a person who appeared to be feed into the blades was discharged unhurt under and behind the machine while a fresh carcass of a doe was dropped into the blades from above to spray flesh and blood all over the back lawn. Not everyone appreciated Adolph’s macabre sense of humor. As I was catching my breath I realized what was wrong with the faux feed of Abi into the shredder. The titanium shanks and toe boxes of her ballet-boots would have probably broken the shear-pin on the blades or at the very least made a hell of a noise as they broke a blade or two. Seeing Abi come out from behind the machine safe and smiling was a huge aphrodisiac for a lot of the guests and a member of the football team took me aside and gave me the deep drilling I badly needed after that sort of shock. In a strong man’s arms was a wonderful way to end a scary Halloween party!


  1. I think you should probably hire out Adolf to the haunted houses here in Northeast Iowa. I'll bet people who go to the Heart of Darkness at Heartland Farms or the Harris Haven Funeral Home in Evansdale (a suburb of Waterloo) would shit themselves when they see a woman supposedly fed into a wood chipper like that.

  2. It was breathtakingly horrifying for sure! Fortunately all the guests were young and healthy, though being young isn't a guarantee of good health. A shock like that to a general audience with seniors present or for someone with a heart condition could accidentally kill them and Adolph has never been known to kill accidentally.

  3. Well, most of the haunted attractions around here are frequented by teens and college students, so you'd be OK in that regard.

  4. "I stood frozen in place horrified" - yeah I did the same just now, but sat down! LOL.

    Congrats on the figure raised for charity :)

    Paul S


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Powys , Wales, United Kingdom
I'm a classically trained dancer and SAB grad. A Dance Captain and go-to girl overseeing high-roller entertainment for a major casino/resort